The Difference a Weekend Can Make

May 24, 2015

This weekend I have pretty much lived in my neighborhood park. The freshly cut grass,  the tall trees and the community of people surrounded by mild temperatures and a gentle breeze- a true oasis in the city! I feel as happy sitting here in the grass as I would sitting on a beach somewhere far away.  Maybe its purely the the effects of nature or perhaps the meditation and all the reading that make me feel so hopeful and content.  I've spent the last two days absorbed in a book lent to me by an amazing woman in my life. Its title is Voluntary Simplicity by author Duane Elgin. The book was first published in 1981, and was revised for the second time in 2010. Its themes are more relevant than ever and speak to me exactly where I am these days. The idea that we have the ability to choose to live a more simple,  less materialistic life... The possibility that it could just make some of us feel happier than a life filled with busyness & material possessions... especially since so many of the  quotes from people who answered a survey on living a simple life back in the 70s, seem like they could have been written today... if nothing else, this book makes me feel like I'm not alone in my right-now desire to live on the simple side- no car, low-stress 9-5, second hand clothes, real food, less chemicals.... its nice to feel part of a community.

Paying attention

As I continue to explore mindfulness in my own life and think about how to apply it to my practice as an early childhood educator, I recognize that a great many elements are things that I already incorporate daily into my work with children.  In fact, although I did not have the specific vocabulary before, I think mindfulness is the reason I chose this profession in the first place.

Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction  (MBSR), could be called the father of mindfulness. Many other experts in the field reference his work, specifically his definition of mindfulness: "paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment to moment."

I often share my story of how I came to love early childhood education (ECE) because in order to do it well, you NEED to be present.  My first position in ECE was at the Penn State Child Development Laboratory  (CDL) during my years as an undergraduate.  Although I first proclaimed my desire to be a teacher around the second grade with Mrs. Revelle,  I didn't go to preschool myself, and never before thought about working with children younger than school-age.  With just a semester of working only a few hours per week with infants and toddlers, 0-3 years, I recognized the therapeutic  value in the job. When I turned the doorknob of the Sense of Wonder classroom, high and out of reach of little hands, I was given permission to leave all my worries outside. The big exam coming up, the chapters to be read, and the dynamics of making new friends in a new town,  all got put on hold when I walked through that door. I was allowed- encouraged and expected actually- to smile, laugh, sing, dance, read, paint, draw, dig in the dirt, go down the slide, splash in the water, and use my imagination without interruption. If my task was to feed and help an infant take a nap, the only thing in the whole world I had to think about was getting that milk, soothing that baby, and making that rocking chair the most inviting place possible for that new little life in my arms. 

Fifteen years after I first entered the Sense of Wonder classroom, here I am, still working with young children and enjoying every moment of my life. There aren't many professions in which the job description includes: stop to smell the roses, gaze at the clouds in the sky, and close your eyes and listen to the sounds all around.  When I ask my young friends, "What do you notice?" I too, take notice. I am
"paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment to moment."

There is, of course, more to mindfulness than just being observant on a neighborhood walk. This realization that my manner of sharing the world with young children already falls within the realm of mindfulness, is beyond encouraging.

My LO continues to ask for the relaxation story and asked today to meditate on her yoga mat. We read the Peaceful Piggy Meditation book for the first time today and our one minute of paying attention to our breaths went great! A couple of days ago I noticed that she was a little more fidgety than normal and I asked if she could think of some things that she needs to do in order to relax and fall asleep. She came up with three: close eyes, deep breaths, stay still. Now, each day before we start relaxation story we set the tone by remembering the keys to relaxation.  As I sit on this park bench, in preparation for a mindful Memorial Day weekend without any children for whom to care, I remember the words of LO, "close eyes, deep breaths, sit still."

**Check out your local library :-)

Peaceful Piggy Meditation by Kerry Lee MacLean

Two foundational books by Jon Kabat-Zinn  (I skimmed through each,  but have not entirely read either yet)

Wherever You Go, There You Are

Full Catastrophe Living:  Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness

Our Relaxation Story

As I see how receptive LO is to all of the relaxation techniques I share, my excitement is building and I want to learn everything all at once- pretty typical me :-)  Before I delve into the pile of books and websites I've discovered, I want to step back and make sure sure I'm sharing practically. Perhaps you would like to try the bedtime relaxation story with a child in your life- well, here it is! 

The relaxation story/body scan I created  may or may not follow guidelines proposed by experts in the field. I'm not totally sure yet, but I do know that it has helped the kids in my life calm down and fall asleep and that's certainly worth something on its own!

Below is the typical script I follow and lasts about 6-7 minutes. I've also included an audio file with the slow, melodic tone of voice I have found successful.  My small sample size of three has shown children to either be asleep by the end or shortly after completion of the meditation.

I suggest you begin by having at least a few minutes of quiet reading,  singing or snuggling prior to getting your kiddo into bed.  Once in bed, tell your child that you will tell her or him a story to help the body and brain RELAX and REST. These are two key words repeated slowly throughout the meditation. I also preface the story with an intention, although I haven't called it this.  I state that we will RELAX and REST as a way to fall asleep and feel rested and happy upon wakeup. You can also tell your child that part of this relaxation is to close our eyes and try to remain still. Tell her that everyone's brain forgets sometimes and she might start to play with a soft toy, the wall, blankets, etc. Remind her that when she realizes that this is happening she can just bring her attention, lovingly, back to the story. You might even remind her as part of the body scan.

Take about three deep breaths with your child to help you both get settled. You can simply say "take a deep breath in.... and breathe out," modeling it yourself, of course.  Don't worry if your child doesn't do the breathing in the beginning- just keep leading by example and she will get it after a few days of repitition.  I usually add extra deep breaths or calm reminders to "close your eyes," where it seems fitting. 

Good luck and I'd love to hear how it works out when you try it :-)

Relaxation Story/Bed-time Body Scan script:

See bottom of script for audio file

Lay down and get comfortable. It's time to let your body and brain relax and rest.  I'm going to tell you a story that will help you fall asleep. Sleep is important for your body to grow and you will feel refreshed later on/in the morning.

Feel your whole body. Feel your whole body pressing against the bed. Relax and rest.

Pay attention to your head. Inside lives your brain. Your brain has made so many decisions today. It's time to let your brain relax. Feel your brain rest. (Deep breath)

Pay attention to your ears. They have listened to so many things today- the birds chirping and the leaves rustling,  city traffic, music played, and the voices of the people you love.  Its time now to let your ears relax. Feel your ears rest. (Deep breath)

Pay attention to your nose. It has smelled so many things today. Some wonderful scents and some not-so-wonderful scents. Its time now to let your nose relax.  Feel your nose rest. (Deep breath)

Pay attention to your cheeks. As you've smile all day the muscles in your face move up and down, up and down. Its time now to let your cheeks relax. Feel your cheeks rest. (Deep breath )

Pay attention to your mouth. You have used it so much today. To talk to friends and family, to taste your healthy food, to sing songs, and to kiss the ones you love. Its time now to let your mouth relax. Feel your mouth rest. ( Deep breath )

Pay attention to your neck. You have used your neck all day long. To look up at the sky, down at the ground, to look right, to look left. Let your neck relax. Feel your neck rest. (Deep breath )

Pay attention to your heart beating in your chest. All day its pumped  blood throughout your body: thump-bump, thump-bump, thump-bump. Its time now to let your heart relax. Feel your heart rest. (Deep breath )

Pay attention to your arms now. From your shoulders, to your elbows, to your wrists,  right down through your hands and fingers.  Your arms have been so busy today, lifting and carrying, waving and hugging. Its time now to let your arms relax. Feel your arms rest. ( Deep breath )

Pay attention to your belly. All the nourishing food you've eaten, and all that food that's being digested.  Its time to let your belly relax. Feel your belly rest. ( Deep breath )

Pay attention to your legs now. From your hips right down to your knees and then your ankles. Your legs have carried you everywhere you've traveled today. Throughout your house, outside to play, to school and to the store. Its time now to let your legs relax. Feel your legs rest. ( Deep breath )

Pay attention to your feet, right down to your 10 toes. Your feet have done so much work today, running and jumping, skipping and stomping. Its time to let your feet relax. Feel your feet rest. ( Deep breath )

Feel your whole body. Your whole body should be relaxed now. Feel your whole body pressing against the bed, relaxed and ready to rest.

5-10 Deep breaths and hopefully your child will at least be relaxed and still, if not fully asleep.

Just Breathe video

This beautiful 4 min video, told through the eyes of children, shows the power of mindfulness and the breath to regulate emotions. Would even be suitable for children to watch :-).  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVA2N6tX2cg

Soon to come: audio and script for the bedtime relaxation story

Nap time trick or Something More?

On a typical afternoon in April, I finished reading a pre-nap story with three-year-old Little One.  I then suggested we tidy up a bit before heading to bed.  The next three minutes of picking up books and toys, swiftly transformed her state from drowsy to over-tired/hyper. As the nanny, I was fearful that this would lead to a no-nap day, and an unpredictable evening with her parents.  Tidying up would totally not have been worth it. I shuffled through the files of possible relaxation tricks in my mind and pulled out a body scan meditation, calling it Relaxation Story. And so the tale of Something More, began....

As she settled down on that first day, laying still and falling asleep faster than usual, I noticed how relaxed I felt as well.  In the evening, I did the same body scan focusing on the breath with two other children I care for, and the results were similar- they visibly relaxed and fell asleep directly.  Perhaps I was on to something here. I decided to observe how the children would respond over time, and the results have been phenomenal.  It is now three weeks later and the children each seem to enjoy the Relaxation Story. LO, who I am with five days a week, asks for it by name.

Throughout the three weeks since that first nap time, I began to drop other mindful tidbits into conversations with LO. I introduced her to the idea of deep breathing as a strategy to feel calm during non-bedtime moments and we practiced mindfully eating a prune at breakfast.  We discovered the children's book Anh's Anger by Gail Silver at the library and she and her parents were immediately receptive.  I believe this book should be on the shelf of every child and early learning center to provide a means of identifying and coping with strong emotions (click here to see the beginning of the book read aloud).  LO initiated play on Friday that reenacted the plot of the book, extending the circumstances in which anger occurs, to her own life experiences.  She gets it!

Over the last five years I've attended spiritual-based meditation workshops, read various books on the subject and attended the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program at Jefferson, but have yet to practice mindfulness or meditation on a long-term consistent basis.  I feel fortunate that these experiences provided me the knowledge and insight necessary to give this technique a try with the children in my care.  I am feeling calmer and more emotionally balanced myself, and am enthusiastic about all there is to learn in this area.  Regular practice is now a part of my day and I've bought and borrowed several more titles specific to using mindfulness with children. I'm excited to learn enough to teach others about the benefits of mindfulness practice in everyday life.  As I embark upon this exciting journey, I've decided to track my progress and collaborate with others in the mindfulness community using this blog.  Please feel free to drop me a note, make a suggestion or ask a question.  Peace.